Co-regulation is a powerful, often overlooked form of human connection. Rooted in our nervous system, it describes how we soothe and stabilize one another through presence, empathy, and emotional attunement. Within sisterhood and women’s circles, co-regulation becomes a deeply healing force, creating spaces of trust and mutual support. This article explores what co-regulation really means, how it works, and why it thrives in the bonds between women.

What is co-regulation and why does it matter?

Co-regulation is a fundamental concept of polyvagal theory, often referred to as the science of safety. We can define co-regulation as a connection with another person in which we feel safe and regulated, meaning our nervous system is at ease. In this dynamic, we receive signs of safety from the other person, while also providing signs of safety to them. This process involves being attuned to each other. Essentially, in the context of co-regulation, one person helps calm the nervous system of the other. When our nervous system feels safe in the presence of someone else, it allows us to feel our emotions and needs, regulate our emotions, and find new resources. Steven Porges, the founder of the Polyvagal theory, describes co-regulation as "a biological imperative linked to our survival." His statement shows how vital co-regulation is for all human beings, as it is a biological need, not a luxury. Undoubtedly, humans are inherently wired for social connection, and our nervous systems are designed to find safety and healing in safe connections with others. 

An example of co-regulation can be seen when you meet a close friend for coffee. You might have spent the day feeling stressed, overwhelmed by your to-do list, and emotionally exhausted. However, when you arrive at the cozy local coffee shop, beautifully decorated and filled with the pleasant aroma of fresh coffee, your friend greets you with a big smile and compliments your new dress. You can feel that she appreciates you deeply and genuinely wants you to thrive. During your conversation, she listens to you carefully, responds with empathy, and offers encouragement. If you want to discover how your nervous system picks up clues of safety and threat, check this article. After about 15 minutes, you start to notice a shift in your body. Your shoulders relax, you feel more comfortable, and your mood improves. You begin to feel more optimistic about your projects, and the to-do list no longer feels so overwhelming.

What has happened here is likely a shift in your nervous system to a ventral state, where you feel safe. To learn more about what is the ventral state, read this article. Your body starts to regulate itself, making it easier to process your emotions, and you experience a sense of relaxation. Your friend played a key role in this co-regulation process. By offering encouragement, sincerely caring for you, looking you in the eye with compassion, and smiling, she provided signs of safety and nurtured your nervous system. 

The power of sisterhood in co-regulation

In indigenous and ancient wisdom, the power of co-regulation is well understood. Neuroscience is only beginning to recognize the significance of community, sisterhood, touch, and support among women—insights that ancient practices have long valued. However, many of us live in an individualistic culture that does not prioritize co-regulation and community at its core.

For women who grew up in individualistic cultures, there is often a sense of something missing—not just on an emotional or spiritual level, but also on a biological level, as our bodies are designed to co-regulate with others. Co-regulation is one of the easiest ways to soothe a nervous system that feels overwhelmed or panicked. This helps explain why so many people have dogs; pets are excellent co-regulators because they accept us as we are, offering gentleness and compassion. They often provide the support that our communities should offer. Co-regulation is a biological need, but in individualistic societies, this need is often neglected, leading to feelings of isolation and an inability to find safety and inner peace.

This is why sisterhood and women's circles can be so powerful. By being surrounded by other women and able to receive their encouragement, attunement, and emotional support, you allow your nervous system to heal and regenerate. 

How women’s circles foster connection, healing, and resilience

Women's circles offer a unique space where vulnerability is welcomed, emotions are honoured, and mutual support is central. In these circles, women gather not to fix each other but to be present, witness, and co-regulate. Sharing stories, sitting in silence, engaging in rituals, or simply holding hands or looking at each other can activate the ventral vagal state, calming the nervous system and deepening trust.

“Co-regulation is what we call in the world of science a biological imperative, which simply means that without co-regulation we can’t survive.”
— Deb Dana

These spaces remind us that we are not alone in our experiences. They help rebuild a sense of belonging, which is often missing in modern life. Through consistent presence and attuned listening, women's circles cultivate emotional safety, which becomes a foundation for personal resilience and collective healing. In a world that encourages independence and individualism, these communities gently guide us back to interdependence — to the powerful truth that healing happens in connection.

Women’s circles provide much more than just a sense of community; they serve as sacred spaces where our nervous systems can relax, emotions can flow freely, and resilience can develop. By reclaiming these ancient forms of healing, we nurture ourselves and contribute to a culture grounded in safety and empowerement. 

Nervous system healing

If this article resonated with you and you are curious to go deeper into nervous system healing and embodied feminine energy, I created a beautiful, free guide: “Safe to Flow” – a gentle guide to unlocking your feminine energy through nervous system healing and inner safety. The guide is filled with practical insights, visual tools, and soothing practices to help you shift from survival mode into ease, softness, and self-trust. Click here to download it for free and begin your journey.

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